one foot in front of the other

{written 9.7, the eve before the start of school}

I never cease to be amazed by how fast time seems to fly by. Last spring, I was ready for a summer break + was looking foward to the start of my new job teaching and the Monk's fresh begining as a 1st grader... in September, after the break! Just living life, putting one foot in front of the other, I never dreamed that September would come so fast!

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I wouldn't say that I am nervous, per se... even though I am feeling some jitters when I think of all the new-ness ahead. I think what I am feeling is anticipation? And a perhaps a feeling of hopefullness? I think it is kind of like Christmas Eve: full of excitement + the hope that Christmas day will be everything you hoped for. HOPE. I think that is one of the toughest parts about being a parent; you have so many hopes + wonderful dreams for this tiny person that you love more than you could have imagined possible. I am so full of hope that this year will be wonderful for the Monks, full of good things, friends + opportunity...and in a way, I wish those things for myself too.

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As this day has grown closer, I have also just plain hoped that I can pull all of this off: the working mama routine. I have never been nervous about actually teaching, but I do have some nerves when I think about the awesome responsibility I have as a professor + as a mama to my 3 littles. When the Monks was small {+ an only child}, I paid quite a bit of money to enroll him in all kinds of little classes and whatnot. Now as a school aged child {+ one of 3 kiddos}, he + the Fif are far from over programmed, but yet almost each day is full! And even though I will only be out of the house 2 days a week to teach, there is still quite a bit of work to do in preparation. At the moment I am likening it to natural childbirth: all of the work is upfront, but then when you are done, you are done. There is always a mental list or "note to self" going in my mind + I am begining to feel that this family could use a secretary to keep our routines straight!

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But alas, I must confess that we have been living like rock stars this summer...and in a way, for the last several years that I have been a stay at home mama with small, non-school-aged-littles; doing whatever we felt like when the mood struck or nothing at all. This has probably contributed to why this new structure feels a bit oppressive at times. While I know that no one is perfect, being an organized sort {almost to the point of being OCD about it}, I think I have a good shot at being able to balance everything. And you know, I really believe that this year will be everything I have hoped for...even without a secretary! We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.