Saturday, September 25, 2010

Live and Let Live

My mum has always been one of those people who believed in that quote that "we are not as impotant to everyone else as we think we are"?...or something like that. And it was never meant to be self deprecating, just realistic. Like when I'd be worried about what to wear to an event, she would say, "alison, while this is very important to you, everyone else will not be worried about what you are wearing...they are worrying about themselves! I know you'll look beautiful in whatever you wear"


But I've always kind of stood out in a crowd, for one reason or another. And while I've tried my darndest to believe this quote, I feel like I have been proven wrong time and again. Like this week for example. A year after the drama that hurt my heart more than anyone can imagine and shook my little world to the ground, I decided to embark on a bit of a cathartic, albeit silly creative writing project. Many may not know this, but I actually only know about 10 of the "friends" who follow this blog...the rest of you, I am proud to say are "new friends"; people I have never met, but who have read me + have supported me. My posts were never intended to be read by anyone I knew in real life {who was not already aware of the story...or any story for that matter}. It was a life preserver for someone I don't know yet; someone who might have been suffering through their own "mean girls" experience, and after reading a post, might suddenly not feel as alone as I have?

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However, this week I was tipped off to a 3rd group of readers: Foes. I do not believe myself to be that self important and would never have dreamed that the people who made their dislike for me so plainly apparent, who neither speak to me nor look in my direction when they see me out, would be stalking my little blog! I do not advertise this site to townsfolk and told no one about my "creative writing project", so I can only deduct that every so often one {or all few?} of my "biggest fans" will slink over to see what I've been writing about. I can only imagine the frenzy of phone calls, emails and jaw flapping that my posts stirred up.

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But here is the thing, I kind of feel skeeved out. It is as if I just found out some pervert has been spying on me during private moments. I know this is a public blog on the www., but c'mon, what purpose could any of my "biggest fans" have for comming here? It's not like you'd accidentally happen across it! I don't involve myself where I am clearly not welcome, why can they not do the same? This only serves to illustrate exactly how disgusting the situation is. And ofcourse, the timing is always impeccable with these things. After a long week, "four" kids, a career with a preformance evaluation yesterday during my 8am lecture to prepare for, this was just the icing on the cake. When the news broke, I was furious... and also afraid of what form reatiliation would end up taking. I yelled and I cried. Would I ever just be left alone?

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Sadly, I need to apologize for not continuing with the creative writing project....but after this post, I don't think I need to. Part of me feels defeated; that for all of the "growing + changing" I've talked about doing in this space, I am still very intimidated by this group of women. However, on the other hand, I have managed to create a nice life over the last year, inspite of all of this drama and ill treatment. I look at it as self preservation and I'm not willing to gamble with my own peace of mind, or that of my children. While creative writing may have been nixed, my plan is to stick with my usual topics for a time...and besides, at the moment, I'm too busy talking my mister off of the phone with a realtor to do anything uber creative anyway.


So ladies, friends and foes, at what point can we just grow up and Live and Let Live?
Because I am not going anywhere.

11 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that you've come across foes on your blog. How truly sad & inappropriate!!! I have been blogging for 2 years now and have only ever had positive experiences, however, I have heard of more then a few women that have run into a few foes. Shame on them. I enjoy your blog. Don't feel defeated. You & your life can & should only serve as inspiration to anothers.
    Much Peace.

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  2. @Erin Oh, these were not random blogging foes...I have only had nice experiences in that department!
    These were the real life, ex friends, who although we do not speak anymore, have seen fit to still read my blog! A whole year after our "falling out", they are still checking in on me from time to time here? It's pathetic and I really wish they would stop! Kind of disturbing form of voyeurism...to sneak around reading a person's blog that you know they would not want you skulking around in, ya know!?! LOL!
    Peace is comming!
    a.

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  3. Oh o.k. gotcha :) And, in that case, I have had 1 of them in my life, peeking in on my blog. It's for sure creepy :(

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  4. i can so relate. there are those that can just not let go of hatred...feed on it.the false belief that tearing another down builds them up.
    i do hate that i don't get to hear the end of the story. there was something like strength in numbers knowing you went through something close to what i had (and countless others) experienced.
    though we live hundreds of miles apart, i do feel that we would be fast friends if we were neighbors. please keep up your beautiful & interesting posts......and screw the jealous peeping toms!

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  5. Alison,
    This is such a prime example of why I'm all about the girl love! There will always (ALWAYS) be haters, but you've just got to sit back and think that you must be quite an intriguing lady for them to want to STILL know what's going on in your life. Or maybe they miss you and don't know how to say it. Or maybe they are just miserable bitches who have nothing important going on in THEIR lives, so they are desperately hoping that you have nothing going on in your life either. They are mistaken.
    -Nickey

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  6. P.S. Realtor?? Is it my husband, Joe??

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  7. P.P.S. When are you coming to Asbury to meet me for a drink? I am in dire need of one right now!!

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  8. @With Love, Nicole
    LOL, we'll catch up soon! Although I'm sure we aren't literally moving, it is so nice to get out of the area and spend time with some awesome people! I am due for a dinner at Trinity!
    xo.
    a

    Do you still work at Anthro?

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  9. unfortunely, youve learned a lesson the hard way that a blog is public. we bloggers blog out here in cyberville because we want our thoughts read by others and want to connect. wierd that you would consider anyone reading to be "stalkers". I was deeply disturbed by your violent references, and glad you have stoped writing in this way. im looking foward to your creative posts about youre talents the world is to angry to be "joking" about violence. i hope you reflect on your own actions and realize that they could be intrepratred as much worse then the mean girls you wrote about. i wish you peace....candy

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  10. @CatCandace
    Thanks for your honest post Candy.

    You know, in my situation, this was not "just anyone" stumbling accross my little blog in cyberville, but rather the was the deliberate act of watching me and my writings by ex friends who live near by and who have done horrible things to me and my family...horrible enough, by my standards anyway. They made it clear that I was not welcome and that I should move on. I respected these wishes and apparently was mistaken to think that they would do the same. Yes, in some ways I feel like the peeking on my blog is the same as if they were making unwelcomed driveby's past my home...it is just creepy and weird.

    As far as me using one of Quentin Tarantino's most popular movies as the subject of my silly analogy, I am sorry that you were "disturbed" I wrote a clear disclaimer and linked it to each post to avoid just such a situation. If you have read me in the past, or read my discliamer, I think it was more than obvious that my only rationale for using the movie was the fun anonymous character names and nothing more.

    However, if this was the case, then I must say that perhaps mine is not the blog for you? I like to have fun and kid...and for all of the serious things I write about , this was absolutely NOT one of them! And if you do have further thoughts, please email them to me directly, and do not post them publicly from an account that has not email address from which to contact you by.
    I wish you the best of luck in finding other blogs that you are able to realte to better.
    alison

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  11. Man, chicks are so nuts. I don't get it. All I can think of is that is must be fueled by jealousy. Otherwise they would say they hate you and move on. Or maybe it's just because you are such an exceptional writer, they can't help themselves! (I have to say I'm bummed the story won't continue because it was a good one!) It sucks though, to say the least, and I admire your strength in dealing with all of it and staying a positive roll model for your kids. That is no easy feat. You are one talented lady so don't ever let the crazy, jealous, boring old housewives get you down!

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I would love to hear your thoughts...especially if they are nice! So post away friends, post away!